haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
