I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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