i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
