My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
