Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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