I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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