I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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