On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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