Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
