You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
