dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
