I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
