So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
