I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
