I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
