I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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