My nipple is on Facebook.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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