There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
soo... how was my night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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