I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
