Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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