I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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