hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
