I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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