i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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