He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
