SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The Olympian is in my bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
