Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
