Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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