We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
