I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
