I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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