it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
