I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
