Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
