I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
