Your mouth is God's brothel.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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