So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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