Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
