no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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