hotel room ftw
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
