I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
