I want to have your abortion
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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