Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
