we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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