My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
