I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She announced her abortion via fbk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
