eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
