you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
