Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
