the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
