I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
