P.S. I can't hear my feet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
